Naomi says she and her partner ‘decided I should have the right to see women – and that opened the door to seeing other men too’ (Image: S4C)
A woman who appears as a survival expert on BBC and Channel 4 says she and her partner decided she should be allowed to have multiple sexual partners. Naomi Aldwyn-Allsworth says nothing beats the « excitement, love and passion » she experiences from being in several relationships at once.
The mum-of-one, currently appearing on Bear Grylls’ BBC1 series Wild Reckoning, has made a documentary explaining her polyamory — especially as it involved her living with her long-term partner, Chris, and their seven-year-old son. Polyamory means having multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all parties.
« Chris and I decided that I should have the right to see women – and that opened the door to seeing other men too, » she told the Mirror. « Polyamory is very exciting. I am a mother and a partner but I always want adventures, in every part of my life. Every time I start a new relationship I know there’s going to be lots of excitement, love and passion coming from it.
« I make my own rules. I’m in relationships with a number of people of both sexes – and they all know about each other. I think the best relationships are those in which the traditional rules are broken. It’s what works for me. »
Naomi has a group of ‘like-minded girlfriends’ with whom shares friendship and sex (Image: S4C)
‘I am a mother and a partner but I always want adventures, in every part of my life’ says Naomi (Image: S4C)
Naomi, from Pembrokeshire, works as a survival specialist at the Bear Grylls Academy, teaching people how to endure some of the toughest environments on Earth. In her personal life, she admits that getting hurt is unavoidable. « Yes, jealousy happens – more than one heart is broken. But I’m not going to let something like that take my love life away. Ever, » she says.
‘I’ll admit there’s a kind of selfish element to it but it’s about being true to yourself’ says Naom (Image: S4C)
In the programme, available now on BBC iPlayer, the 30-year-old is seen spending time with her new boyfriend Matt – who moved to the UK from California to be with her – before going home to Chris and her son. She is also in a throuple with a husband and wife and a new boyfriend comes along after Matt gets frustrated and leaves. On top of all that, she has a group of « like-minded girlfriends » with whom shares friendship and sex.
Naomi’s partner says the situation can be ‘horrific’ (Image: S4C)
Of Chris, she says: « He has never judged me. Chris is the kind of person you always want to have in your life and is the most amazing father and man. We decided we didn’t have to follow the rules. I guess I was the driving force but Chris was OK with it – Ok-ish. He’s dated other people too but he says non-monogamy doesn’t suit him. »
In the documentary, Chris says: « It’s easy to say there are different partners and there’s more love. The reality is logistically it can be horrific. »
But he also says he’s happy to go along with it, even though their relationship in now just platonic, with the romance having ended. « With us, you can see that a new partner gives Naomi something very different to what I can give her. The fact we can go through that and still be happy for each other is beautiful, » he says. « I’m not jealous. There’s another side to loving someone. I’m just happy to be part of Naomi’s life and see how she chooses to live it. »
Since making the film she has become a couple with a man with whom she is also in a throuple (Image: S4C)
Naomi and Chris grew up together and have been a couple since she was 20 though they are no longer romantically involved. She says: « It saddens me that our relationship is no longer like that although we do love each other. We live together… as a family. A very happy family. Instead of seeing Chris and my relationship as a failure, we want to celebrate what there is between us. »
Naomi admits that if Chris fell in love with another woman it would knock her for six: « It would be difficult for me, and I know that’s hypocritical. Everyone presumes people in open relationships don’t get jealous but I’m terrible. »
Her son appears throughout the documentary and she says her parents are worried about the effect her lifestyle choices will have on him. But she says he is « my number one priority ».
When Matt arrived from the US, he was allowed to have sleepovers in their house sometimes, which had to be explained to her son.
« Until last year, he’d never seen me kiss anyone who wasn’t his father, » Naomi says. « We had conversations about Matt and also now the new man in my life along the lines of, ‘Mummy’s got a new boyfriend who she loves very much’. I’ve introduced the whole thing slowly. »
Since making the film she has become a couple with a man with whom she is also in a throuple, whose wife decided to focus on looking after their baby: « I’ve enjoyed it being just me and him, it felt very natural. Once the cameras left, everything was on the table. But I love them both and hope things open up more between us. »
She said that friends and family reacted with horror when she told them of her plans to live a polyamorous life around a decade ago: « Their feelings were stronger than I expected. I’ve had to remind myself that they hadn’t had time to practise and educate themselves like me. »
Her job as a survival expert on programmes including Channel 4’s Alone involves plenty of travel to far-flung places, which gives her the perfect escape from all the juggling.
« There are moments where I’m very glad that my career means I can ship off to an island for a month because I need to escape it more than anyone, » she says. « My parents and a lot of friends struggle with understanding that. But the benefits to me completely outweigh those things. »
And does she ever feel that her lifestyle is a bit self-centred? « I’ll admit there’s a kind of selfish element to it but it’s about being true to yourself, being who you really are. Then if you’re fulfilled and happy, you can be kind and loving towards others. I think to be able to do this, you need a degree of selfishness in your own life. »
She says the driving force behind polyamory is not just the physical side of her relationships: « Sex is fun and important but it’s not just about that. This is one of the reasons I wanted to do the documentary – to get away from that whole over-sexualised, negative stigma around non-monogamy. I’m actually very normal – apart from my career being a bit nuts. »
She is anticipating some negativity online as a result of the documentary, in which she defends her choices.
« It will be hard but I’ll deal with it, » she shrugs. « The most important thing for me… is that I’m completely honest and open. I don’t have secret affairs, I don’t hide stuff and cheat. It blows my mind to think that it’s almost regarded as better that people do that. »
Love without Limits: Polyamory and Me is available on S4C Clic and BBC iPlayer.
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